Why Creating Neuro-Affirming Spaces Starts with Language, Safety, and Conversation

It’s one thing to say “We’re inclusive.”

It’s another to create an environment where neurodivergent children actually feel safe to unmask, speak up, and thrive.

Too often, inclusion stops at surface-level adjustments...quiet corners, coloured overlays, or flexible seating. While these can help, inclusion without emotional and psychological safety is not true inclusion.

So how do we begin building spaces where all brains belong?

1. Masking Is Exhausting and Often Invisible

Many neurodivergent students, particularly autistic and ADHD learners, mask their true behaviours, preferences, or needs in order to “fit in” or avoid punishment.

This phenomenon is widely documented. Research shows that masking is linked to anxiety, depression, identity confusion, and burnout, particularly in autistic girls and individuals socialised to comply (Hull et al., 2017; Livingston et al., 2020).

When children mask for long periods, especially in school they often fall apart at home, or internalise the belief that being themselves is “wrong.” This leads to a breakdown in connection, trust, and emotional wellbeing.

What children need to hear instead:

“You don’t have to mask here.”

“You’re safe to be you.”

“You don’t have to earn belonging.”

2. Language Shapes Beliefs and Belonging

The words we use matter.

Children internalise messages from their environment, even the ones we don’t say out loud.

Using identity-affirming language and providing consistent messages of safety can build trust, encourage self-advocacy, and reduce shame. This is especially important for students who are often misunderstood or punished for behaviours outside the norm (Kapp et al., 2013; Wood, 2021).

Simple sentence starters like “You don’t have to…” or “It’s okay to…” help remove pressure and give permission to be authentic.

This kind of supportive language aligns with trauma-informed and nervous system-aware approaches to learning and behaviour. According to Dr. Bruce Perry and Dr. Mona Delahooke, regulation and connection must come before reasoning or compliance.

So instead of demanding “whole body listening,” we might say:

“You can learn with your ears, your heart, or your hands...whatever helps your brain feel safe.”

3. Conversations Build Understanding and Inclusion

It’s not enough to tell children “all brains are different.”

We need to give them tools and opportunities to explore what that actually means...through stories, dialogue, and reflection.

Conversation based tools like discussion cards have been shown to enhance emotional literacy, perspective-taking, and inclusive thinking (Bauminger-Zviely, 2013; Durlak et al., 2011). When we ask thoughtful, low-pressure questions, we open the door to connection, empathy, and understanding across all brain types.

So Where Do You Begin?

You don’t need a 50-page policy document to make a difference.

You need three things:

• Language that affirms

• Visuals that promote safety

• Conversations that connect

To help make that easier, I’ve created a free Neurodiversity Bundle that includes:

A printable poster: “You Don’t Have to Mask Here”

A deck of Neurodiversity Discussion Cards for home or classroom use

A quick-start guide to get you going

It’s a gentle but powerful way to begin building a neuro-affirming space...from your language to your visuals to your values.

You can grab the free download here: https://www.unmaskingeducation.com.au/neurodiversity-starter-bundle

Because every child deserves to feel seen and safe enough to be their whole self.

Millie x

References:

• Hull, L., Mandy, W., & Petrides, K. V. (2017). Behavioral and cognitive gender differences in autism spectrum condition: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin.

• Livingston, L. A., Shah, P., & Happé, F. (2020). Compensation in autism: Evidence from social and non-social domains. Developmental Psychopathology.

• Kapp, S. K., Gillespie-Lynch, K., Sherman, L. E., & Hutman, T. (2013). Deficit, difference, or both? Autism and neurodiversity. Developmental Psychology.

• Wood, R. (2021). Inclusive education for autistic children: Helping children and young people to learn and flourish in the classroom. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Durlak, J. A., et al. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta‐analysis of school‐based universal interventions. Child Development.

• Bauminger-Zviely, N. (2013). Social and academic inclusion of students with ASD in mainstream classrooms. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.

• Perry, B. D., & Szalavitz, M. (2017). The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog.

• Delahooke, M. (2021). Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids.